


Separation

by kuro



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Developing Friendships, Gen, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-31
Updated: 2015-03-31
Packaged: 2018-03-20 14:11:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3653340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuro/pseuds/kuro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cullen meets Alistair for the first time the day Alistair arrives at the monastery.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Separation

The first time Cullen sees the boy, he is a tiny bundle of rage. He doesn’t shout, and he doesn’t pitch a fit, but the way he stands there in the entrance of the monastery, curled into himself and glowering at anything and everything, tells Cullen very clearly what he is feeling right now. This is not someone who has come to join the order out of his own free will. 

Cullen has learned pretty quickly that people join the templars for a variety of reasons. Some are made to join by their families, others decide to join because the order gives them more opportunities in life that they would ever have otherwise. Some join out of anger or because of bad experiences. People like Cullen, those who actually feel the calling, are surprisingly rare. Cullen has learned to live with the disappointment of that fact; the training is equally hard on all of them.

He quietly hides in the shadows and continues to observe their newest recruit. He must be younger than Cullen himself, maybe ten years to Cullen’s fourteen, which makes him very young even for a new recruit. He has reddish hair and probably a friendly face - if he would stop with the scowling, that is. 

A man - the boy’s father? - is with him, trying to get the boy to listen, but he refuses.

“Alistair,” the man says with a sigh. He is dressed like a noble; Cullen thinks that the crest his guards wear is that of the Arl of Redcliffe, although he isn’t quite sure. It isn’t like Cullen meets nobles every day. Honnleath was too far away from everything that someone as important as a noble would ever stumble across that tiny village. 

“Alistair, please understand,” the man tries again, but the boy, Alistair, seems determined _not_ to understand. He also brushes off the hand that the Arl places on his shoulder. 

The Arl sighs again, more heavily this time, and turns away from the boy. 

“I expect you to take care of him _very_ well,” he tells Ser Bryant, the head of the monastery . Ser Bryant, in his usual thoughtful way, assures the Arl that they will make sure that Alistair is treated with utmost care, as far as the rules of the templars permit it. 

The Arl seems satisfied with that, and with a last lingering look back at Alistair, he leaves together with his guards. 

For a moment, Alistair stands in the middle of the entrance hall, looking tiny and lost, before Ser Bryant suddenly calls out to Cullen.

Cullen startles; he hadn’t expected anyone noticing him lurking in the shadows. Touching the back of his neck nervously, he slowly makes his way over to Ser Bryant. Alistair shoots him an angry glare.

“Ser?” Cullen asks, trying to ignore the waves of hostility coming from Alistair’s direction. 

“Cullen, please show Alistair to the dormitory,” Ser Bryant requests. “There’s a bed in the third row that’s still empty.”

Cullen nods and nervously signs Alistair to follow him. He isn’t sure Alistair really will; he looks too angry to follow anyone’s orders, really. But after a few steps, Cullen can hear Alistair moving, too, his soft steps following him up the stairs. 

* * *

Alistair is quiet while Cullen shows him around and explains everything he needs to know. At some point, Cullen thinks he hears Alistair mumble “Teacher’s pet,” but it’s not like Alistair is actually _wrong_ with that one, so Cullen acts as if he hasn’t heard anything. 

He shows him the bed that will be his from now on (three beds down from Cullen’s) and the chest where he can store his personal belongings. Alistair accepts it all without comment, and the moment Cullen tells him that dinner will be in two hours and that he is free to settle in until then, Alistair throws himself onto the bed, curled up and facing away from Cullen.

Cullen can only imagine how it must feel to be left behind at a place he doesn’t want to be in. He left his family out of his own volition, after all, and his parents hadn’t wanted him to leave for a long time. When he finally got his way and was allowed to join the order, his mother had dissolved into tears, and his father had enveloped him into a big hug that had lasted a very long time. Not for one second had he ever doubted that he was loved by his family. To be cast away by your family — it must hurt. 

Cullen wished he could say something encouraging, something that shows that he he understands that this whole situation is difficult for Alistair, but he can’t find the words. 

After a few moments of hesitation, he quietly leaves the dormitory, forcing himself not to look back at the small figure on the bed.

* * *

Alistair follows him quietly to the refectory once dinner time arrives, but he is long gone before Cullen is finished with his cleaning duties. When Cullen returns to the dormitory a little later, Alistair is back on his bed again, curled up and stubbornly ignoring the lively hustling and bustling of the other boys around him. 

Cullen feels the impulse to speak to Alistair, to try and distract him a little from his misery, but the tension in those curled shoulders discourage him. He quietly passes by Alistair’s bed, heading towards his own to get ready for the night. Tomorrow is another day - maybe Alistair will feel more inclined towards actually exchanging a few words. 

* * *

Cullen wakes up in the middle of the night. Something has woken him up, a strange sound that feels out of place. For a moment, Cullen’s heart pounds nervously, his imagination quickly supplying dark creatures in every corner of the large room, but then he realises that he recognises the sound. 

It is the sound of someone crying and trying to be quiet about it.

They have all been there, at some point, whether they have decided to join out of their own free will or not. Everyone gets scared and discouraged at some point, even though hardly anyone will admit to that in the light of day. But at night, the rules are different.

Cullen quietly slips out of bed and pads over to the source of the faint hiccuping noises. He should have expected it, really, but Alistair had been so _angry_ that Cullen had expected him to lash out or try to run away rather than anything else. There is something very desperate and helpless about lying in your bed, sleepless and crying, in the middle of the night. 

Cullen takes a seat on the bed next to Alistair, hushing him when Alistair startles at the sudden movement. 

Alistair looks miserable in the faint moonlight that is coming through the high windows. His face is blotchy and probably red, and his nose is running. His hair is a mess, and Cullen finds himself desperately wishing he could do something, anything, to make things a little easier for this lonely little boy. He is so young still, too young for the anger and sadness that is shaking his frame. His mother would smile and say that he was far too serious and severe for his age, too.

Cullen reaches out and gently pushes his hand through Alistair’s hair. It is soft and silky, quite unlike his own. His is very wiry and refuses to be petted. 

“It’s okay,” he whispers. “You’re not alone.” 

Cullen knows that it is a dumb thing to say, but he has nothing else to offer. And Alistair seems to accept it. After a few moments of doubtful staring, he slowly relaxes and falls back onto his pillow. It doesn’t take very long until Alistair’s eyes close and his breathing evens out, but Cullen continues sitting there for a while, watching over the boy. 

There is not much more he can do, really.

* * *

The next morning, Cullen stumbles out of bed rather bleary-eyed, nearly falling over his own feet in the process. There is a small snort from the foot of his bed, and when Cullen lifts his face, Alistair is standing there, already dressed for the day and giving him a slightly shaky grin. 

Neither of them mention what has happened the night before. But this time, Alistair waits for Cullen until he has finished his morning duties, and follows him to training. 

It takes Alistair a while to find his voice, but when he finally does, he mumbles an apology. 

Cullen tells him to concentrate on his shield and block like he is supposed to. 

He thinks he could get used to Alistair’s laugh.


End file.
